of vanity, of love.

somebody told me the other day that everything we do should not be for the sake of our happiness.

it took me aback.  but for the past few days, those words kept haunting me back.  suddenly, i realize that almost everything that i do, i have to include myself in it.  i have to make sure that i would look good, feel good, or even be able to find pleasure — not to say that finding pleasure is wrong, i think we are all created to be alive — and one of the means of being alive is to be able to feel pleasure and pain…

..but you see, by just sitting on my kitchen chair reading something, i found that in my wandering mind, the unspoken words behind every word that my heart utters shouts to put this frail, selfish and vain self of mine on a pedastal.

Christ said to live is to die, and to die is gain — to be able to love God with all my heart, strength, soul and mind, and to love others by putting them before myself.. for the best act of love that one can demonstrate to his friend is to die for them.

i’m not close, nowhere close. but i pray that God will “kill” this self-centered egomaniac self of mine and free the inhibited spirit that yearns to live a life that is worthy of His calling — to love.